Lines of Devotion
by Raven Sinead
Summary: How far would you go to save the person you love? What is the extent of sacrifice. And how much is your soul really worth? Rachel/Ivy, POV switch each chapter.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: All characters within belong to the lovely and talented Kim Harrison. Nothing belongs to me.

Chapter 1

_Oh God, I really screwed this up. Didn't need backup, oh no, not me. I'm a kick ass witch—demon—thing. And a dumb one at that._

_Phone, _I thought, hoping it hadn't been destroyed by the beating, the fall, or the damn puddles. _Puddles? When did it start raining?_

I fumbled around with my good arm, searching my pockets for the phone. _Just a simple bag and tag. That's all this was supposed to be. Damn it, I hurt._

I found my phone and punched the speed-dial with sticky, shaking fingers. _Please, pick up. Please please please. _The ringing bored into my ears.

"Vampirc Charms, you've got Jenks."

"Hi, Jenks." I said, weak.

"Rache, you okay?" he sounded worried. I wondered why. Why had I called home in the first place? I was cold. And uncomfortable.

"I don't think so. Please…get Ivy."

"Rache, where are you?" the pixy's voice was way too loud.

"Ivy knows." I whispered. "Please, Jenks…" the phone slipped out of my hand.

From far away, I heard Jenks yelling for Ivy. She would come. She always did. I took it too much for granted, knowing that my living vamp knight in shining leather would always come for me.

_But I would come for her too. If she ever…needed me. My life is so screwed up._

Ivy knows, I had said. She always knew, because she made me tell her, or leave a note, with everything from locations to prospective locations to estimated time home. I'd agreed, but only to mock her anal-retentive need to plan the joy out of life. This time, I was glad to be a snarky bitch.

I pulled my broken arm over my stomach to get it out of the freezing water I couldn't quite feel, and in hopes that the pain would keep me awake.

_A simple run. That's all it was supposed to be. Stupid, stupid witch. Should have asked her to come with me. Ivy. I'm so…so…sorry._


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I couldn't go fast enough. The roads were slick and the thunderstorm had everybody creeping along. The pixy on my dashboard didn't help matters.

"Can't you move faster? Tink's knickers, you're crawling along like Driving Miss Daisy!"

"Shut it, pixy." I growled, gripping the wheel until my knuckles turned white.

I knew she shouldn't have run off on her own. She was too reckless; took too many chances. She was always getting hurt. Any other person, _any_ other, and I would have shut down those tendencies long ago. But not Rachel. She was too damn stubborn, too independent, too heedless and I…I stood helpless before it all. She tortured, tempted, teased me to the edge of losing my control and I kept coming back for more. One look from those devastating green eyes and I could forgive anything.

"Turn left!" Jenks shouted, snapping me back into a reality I didn't want to face. Rachel may have been stupid, feckless, and a consistent pain in the ass, but she rarely asked for help. When she did, it worried me.

I swung the car left, fishtailing on the slick roads. I ignored the pixy's stream of curses as I got the car back under control.

"Holy mother of Tink!" Jenks exploded. "Watch the road, woman!"

It took all my restraint to keep my hands on the wheel and refrain from knocking the pixy back to the Turn. I knew he was worried. As much as I was.

"Stop the car!" he yelled again.

I slammed the brakes and the car hydroplaned. Jenks muttered something about "trying to get us killed".

After getting the car in park, I shut the door in his face. Jenks hammered on the window, cursing at me. But it was too cold for him to be outside. Rachel would never forgive me if I let anything happen to him, and going home to a church filled with grieving, vengeful pixies was not on my list of things to do.

_Where are you, Rachel?_ I wondered, trying to deny that my heart was beating faster.

This was the address she had given me, written in her slapadash handwriting and tacked askew on the fridge. I knew she did it to make fun of me, but today I was glad she did.

"Rachel?" I asked, not too loud. The area seemed deserted, but I wasn't taking any chances. Rain started pouring, obscuring any chance I had of catching her scent. Suddenly, I was more afraid than before.

_Goddamit witch, where are you?_

I walked into the building, assaulted by the scent of blood. My mouth watered as my heart started pounding. This blood smelled like rich, spicy earth. Witch's blood. Rachel's blood.

"Rachel!" I was yelling now, not caring who would hear. Let them try to stop me.

"Rachel!" I called again, feeling control slip out of my grasp. _Where are you?_

I followed the scent of her blood. It led me outside, to a drenched alley, a red-stained puddle, and Rachel.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"Open your eyes." the voice came from very far away. "Rachel, open your eyes. Please, dear heart. Just look at me."

I pulled my eyelids open, staring into eyes as black as midnight. Ivy. She was scared. I wasn't. But I didn't know why.

"Good job, Rachel." she encouraged, voice harsh. "Thank you. Can you talk?"

"I…Ivy?" what was she doing here?

"It's okay, Rachel. You're going to be okay." she sounded so worried.

"I'm c…cold."

She brushed her hair out of her face. It was black and wet and beautiful. So beautiful. Not for the first time, I wondered what it would be like to tangle my fingers in it.

"I know. I'm taking you to the hospital."

I shook my head, trying to ignore the pain. "No hospitals."

Ivy's eyes looked sad, terrifyingly sad. And scared. "Don't…don't fucking argue with me, Rachel."

Ivy cursing meant something was wrong, bad wrong. "'Kay. Ivy, please take me home."

"I will, dear heart. I'm going to carry you to the car. Jenks is waiting for us."

_Jenks…no…it's too cold. He shouldn't be outside._

Ivy's arms slipped under me and lifted me from the ground. A cry of pain I couldn't hold back broke through my lips. Ivy flinched and I felt horrible. This wasn't her fault. It was mine. _Stupid, stupid witch._

"I'm sorry." I could barely hear her voice past the thunder. "I'm sorry, Rachel."

_Don't be, _I thought, but those weren't the words that came out. "I—I love you, Ivy."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

I stumbled, clutching Rachel against me. _She's almost incoherent,_ I reasoned with myself. _She has no idea what she's saying._

I carried her to the car. By the time we reached it, she was unconscious. Jenks was sifting red dust like a madman when I laid Rachel in the back seat. Blood seeped from a deep gash on her forehead. Her left arm was broken, and the right side of her jeans was soaked red.

Jenks darted over and dusted the cut on her head. "Ivy, this looks bad." he said.

_I've never seen someone who was that white before, and still alive…_old words rang in my ears. That was the first time she'd almost left me.

"Don't leave me, Rachel." I whispered, so low that even Jenks couldn't hear. I had never told anyone, not even Kisten, how much Rachel meant to me. Through her, I'd tasted freedom, caught glimpses of who I should be, and grew closer and closer to achieving my goal.

"Hang on, Rache." Jenks urged from the back seat. "C'mon, Ivy. She's freezing. You've gotta get her home."

I tried to keep my hands from shaking as I turned the key and the engine roared to life. "I'm taking her to the hospital."

"You can't." Jenks buzzed near my ears. "Heard it on the radio. Storms have brought down a crap ton of powerlines. There's wrecks all over the place, roads are blocked…we'll be lucky to get back to the church."

_Damn it!_ I pounded on the wheel in frustration, then cursed at myself for losing my temper.

"Tink's crooked teeth, turn the heat on!" Jenks griped. "It's colder than a morgue in here."

Quiet settled as he realized his poor choice of words. I pressed on the gas, thankful for the vision that allowed me to see the solid sheet of rain. A quiet sense of urgency drove back to the church. Jenks was right. There were cars off the road and blue lights everywhere. Getting to a hospital would have been impossible.

I eased Rachel out of the car and carried her into the church. After laying her on the couch, I flipped the lights on. Nothing. The storm had killed the power.

I lit candles and set them on the coffee table. Rachel shivered and mumbled something unintelligible. Thanks to Jenk's pixy dust, the cut on her head had stopped bleeding. If only the rest were as easy to fix.

"Jenks," I called. He flitted by my ear, splashing me with red pixy dust. "Jenks, please, get me a towel. And some blankets."

"And then what?" the pixy asked. "Pull some stitches and a plaster cast out of my ass?"

"Jenks, please." I whispered, loathing the desperation in my voice.

The pixy humphed and darted away. I grabbed the scissors I had brought with me and smiled. Rachel was wearing one of her favorite outfits. She'd be madder than seven hells when she found out what had become of it.

As gently as I could, I cut away her rain soaked clothes. Her right leg was covered in blood from a deep gash in her thigh. The edges of the cut were ragged. whatever had made that wound wasn't pretty. I would need to clean it.

I tried not to look at her broken arm, knowing that I couldn't do anything about it. Jenks and his kids spilled into the room, carrying towels and blankets. They dropped them next to me and Jenks chased them from the room.

"Sweet mother of Tink." Jenks breathed as I dried Rachel's legs. "That's a bad cut."

"I know." I set my mouth in a firm line. I couldn't keep my hands from shaking. "Jenks…is there…is there anything Matalina can do?"

"If pixy dust and spider silk could hold a witch together, yeah." he shook his head, bearing sorrow of his own.

He dusted the gash on Rachel's thigh. I turned my eyes away from the blood and wiped the rain from my face. "It's all right." I assured him. "Thank you. Watch her for a moment, will you?"

I walked to the bathroom and grabbed a bottle of alcohol and some bandages. I'd never needed to keep those in stock until Rachel had come into my life. Stupid witch. She was always getting herself hurt, saving kittens from trees and gambling her life away on dangerous men and more dangerous jobs.

And, God help me, I loved her for it. Every mistake she made entranced me more and more. I'd been a slave to the whims of a sadistic father-figure, watched my mother change from a warm, sweet woman into a cold, calculating, soulless undead. I'd stood in this very church with a demon and still, still…the witch lying unconscious on my couch scared me more than anything.

Rachel, despite her faults, quirks, and addiction to adrenaline, lived free. She allowed nothing into her life that she didn't want, and fought tooth and nail for a set of idealistic, unrealistic morals. And she willingly shared that life with me, an unstable, emotional wreck of a broken living vampire who locked her life and soul away just to stay sane.

But I loved her. Damn me back to the Turn, I loved her. I looked in the mirror, at eyes bloodshot with tears they wouldn't shed.

"Stupid, crazy vampire." I whispered.

Jenks flew into the bathroom and landed on the sink. "Rachel's awake." he said.

I grabbed my stuff and walked back into the living room.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

My chest was tight, my head swimming, but I was warm. Thank God for that. Candles were burning and everything was quiet. I heard rain on the roof. I was home, in my church, and alone.

"Ivy?" I called, soft.

She walked into the room and sat beside me, taking up as little of the couch as possible. "I'm here." she whispered.

In the candlelight, I couldn't see the color of her eyes. However, if she vamped out, I knew she wouldn't hurt me. Vampires held the sick and injured in a sacred trust. But I worried nonetheless. She was too quiet. Oh God, what had I screwed up this time?

"Rachel," she said, turning to meet my eyes, "I have to clean the cut on your leg. It's going to hurt."

"Okay." I braced for more pain.

She twisted the top off a bottle of alcohol and turned her attention to my leg. I looked, then turned away, dizzy.

"Rachel, I'm so sorry." she breathed.

Then, without preamble, she poured the alcohol into the cut. I gasped and my chest tightened. I couldn't breathe and tears sprang up in my eyes.

"Ivy." I whimpered, but she didn't stop. The tears fell and I started shaking. At last, mercifully, she finished.

"It's okay." she whispered to herself as she bandaged the wound with deft hands. "Everything will be all right, Rachel."

"Promise?" I gasped.

She snapped her head to mine, movements vampire quick. Placing gentle hands on my shoulders, she eased me down on the couch.

"I promise." she said, but her fingers quivered. My beautiful vampire was so afraid, and too proud to show it. In spite of my condition, it seemed she was the wounded one. My tragic, lovely vampire. My Ivy. The only person in the world that I trusted. _Why, _I wondered, _why have I waited so long to realize this? What am I so afraid of? The very things she loves me for are the things I'm too afraid to give. Too afraid to give to her, _I was honest with myself. _Without any good reason._

Ivy covered my legs with a warm, soft blanket.

"Thank you." I whispered, sinking back against the couch.

"Rachel," her voice was hesitant, stilted, like ragged gray silk, "I need to take your shirt off."

"I'll get it." I said, reaching for the buttons. Ivy stopped me.

"Your arm is broken, Rachel." her voice made it sound like she felt this was her fault. But it was mine. All my fault.

"Damn it." I wondered why I was in the church. Knowing Ivy, she would have taken me straight to the hospital.

"The roads are closed." she read my mind. "Power lines are down all over the city. Please forgive me, Rachel. I'm doing the best I can."

_And tearing yourself apart._ "S'okay." I reached with my good arm and squeezed her hand in mine. I couldn't hold on for long. My ribs felt like they were being squeezed in a vice. Ivy let go of my hand.

"Just relax, Rachel. I'll be as gentle as I can."

Her long, slender, pianist's fingers trembled as they undid my buttons. Her tender, hesitant touch threatened to bring me to tears again. This is what she wanted. The two of us, alone, with candlelight and promises. Only when I was injured could I give this to her. It wasn't right. I winced at the slight pressure of her hands.

_This is so screwed up. Why can't I stop hurting her? She deserves so much better than me. _Another voice rang in the back of my mind. _But…you're all she wants._


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

_Oh my God. This is bad._ Rachel's left side was bruised almost black. The ugly stain spread across her creamy white skin, marring its perfection.

I could not conceal my fear. Rachel's guileless green eyes captured mine. "Is it bad?" she asked. I didn't answer. "Ivy, is it bad?" she tried to sit up, but fell back, breathing in short, gasping breaths.

"Try not to move, Rachel." she needed a hospital, and doctors, not a roommate who could barely hold herself together. "You may have a broken rib." _or five._

The intoxicating scent of fear permeated the room, but my instincts wouldn't trigger. She was in too much pain. That was evident.

"Ivy, I'm afraid." she whispered.

I brushed her damp hair away from her face. "Don't be." I spoke with false confidence. "I'm with you, dear heart. I will not leave you, Rachel."

"Thank you." she smiled.

I placed my hand over the bruise, dreading what I had to do next. "Rachel, I need to know if anything is broken. I'm going to have to…"

"Hurt me." she grinned. "I knew I should have made more pain amulets."

I had to smile, but I knew Rachel. She tried to hide it, but she did not handle pain well. She felt too much. She felt the entire world. And watching her dive into emotions I could never taste was enough to sate my hunger. Forever. If I could have her, all of her, I would want nothing more.

"I'll be gentle." I promised.

"You always are."

Those words…those words from a woman who had been forced to put a ley line through me to stop me from draining her dry. They broke me. Thunder clapped outside and I used the moment to gather my composure.

Her skin felt hot under my touch. Fever hot. Blood hot. _Don't let her see you're afraid._ I put pressure on the skin, feeling along the bones. Rachel scrunched her eyes and bit her lip. "Breathe, Rachel. I'm almost finished." I urged, moving my hands as fast as I dared. I stopped when I saw the tears. Rachel was shaking, taking breaths that were too fast and too shallow.

"I'm okay." she panted. "Keep going if you need to."

"I'm finished. Lie still. Take slow breaths."

She tried, but the pain controlled her body as much as her mind. I pulled the blanket up further around her, trying to make her as comfortable as I could. I wondered if Rachel could sense the fragility of my movements.

"Ivy?" she asked, too low for human ears to hear.

"Yes?"

"Are you worried?"

"Don't ask me that." I begged, running my hand through my hair. "Just don't."

I pulled out my phone. I was worried, very worried. At least three of her ribs were broken, the bruising too dark, her skin too hot. I was afraid of internal bleeding. The screen of my phone flickered to life. No bars. I sighed. Rachel would never forgive me if she was conscious and I took her to the hospital. But I couldn't risk that. The roads were too dangerous.

"I'm sorry, Ivy." Rachel looked at me, trying so hard to conceal the pain. Her skin was pale, drawn, and sweat-sheened. "I should have asked for help. I shouldn't have gone off alone. But it was just a simple run…"

"Nothing is ever simple with you." I snapped. "You're too damn impetuous, Rachel. Life has consequences. How many times have you almost died in my arms?"

She hung her head, building a wall of tangled red hair. "I know. I am who I am, Ivy. I can't change that."

_And I would never ask that of you. _"It's okay, I just…" _I can't lose you, Rachel._

"You're right to worry about me." Rachel admitted for the first time. "I'm such a screw-up, I know. If it weren't for you, I'd be dead already."

"Don't talk like that." I was scaring myself now, letting my armor fall. "You've only made my life better, Rachel Morgan."

The hair curtain fell away, and she smiled. "You sound like you're talking to a dying woman."

_I'm afraid I am._

She started crying again. I reached for her. "Don't cry, Rachel. Please."

"Ivy, I'm sorry. You've given me everything. Friendship, security, comfort. Trust. And each time I've pulled away because I'm too damn scared to admit what I already know."

I could barely breathe; dangled off the edge of her words like they were cliffs. "What's that?"

"That I love you, Ivy. That I don't want a blood-balance, or a friendship. That I want everything." She stared at me, making me believe her every word. "Everything."

My heart caught in my throat. Those were the words I'd dreamed of hearing. Though not like this. Never like this. Such a moment should be followed with kisses, caresses, deep sleep with the woman I loved in my arms. But I was afraid to touch her.

"Are you certain?"

Her roguish grin was all the answer I needed. _Now you have to be okay. Life can't be so cruel as to take you from me now. _

"Thank you, Rachel." the witch may not have realized it, but she had just saved my life.

All of a sudden, the air tensed. Rachel's hand moved to her chest; pain and panic flooded her eyes. "Ivy, I," she gasped, "I can't breathe."

She began coughing, deep, racking noises that drove a knife through me. My witch's lips were flecked red…and again I smelled fresh blood.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Oh God it hurt. It felt like someone was stabbing my lungs with needles over and over again. As my body shook, all my other injuries reminded me that they were there.

Vampire quick, Ivy was behind me, holding my body against hers for support. Finally, the coughing stopped. I leaned back against her, exhausted and hurting. My mouth tasted like copper.

"Jenks!" Ivy yelled, a panic in her voice that I had never heard before. "Jenks!" she called again when the pixy didn't show.

My lips tasted like blood. "Ivy?" I couldn't bring my voice above a whisper.

"Shhhh, Rachel." she hissed. "Don't talk, dear heart."

The whirr of wings entered the room and Jenks lit on the couch. "Tink's little red thong, vamp. Do you_ want_ to wake the dead?"

"Shut up, Jenks." Ivy growled. "Go see if our landline is working. If it is, call 911. Rachel needs an ambulance."

"Ivy, no." I protested as Jenks flew away. "Please."

Her trembling hand stroked my cheek. "I can't pretend that I can help you anymore. Your ribs are broken; you might have a concussion. Your leg needs stitches and your arm needs a case. You're coughing blood, Rachel."

_So __**that's**__ the copper taste, _I thought, feeling fear and depression blanket me. _Oh God, what if I'm dying?_ I glanced at Ivy, her pinched brow and thinned lips. She was pale, too. This worry was unlike her. Ivy's stoicism rarely cracked. Seeing it do so was unnerving.

Jenks fluttered back into the room. "Landline's deader than a fairy's dick." he announced, flittering between Ivy and me. "No reception on my phone either." he landed on my shoulder. "Hang in there, Rache." he said, sifting red dust. "Ivy will think of something. She always does."

_Ivy. My life hinges on her. I wouldn't trust anyone else with it. My knight. My love._

"I know." I whispered, feeling my chest tighten again. Ivy sensed it and braced me against her as I coughed until my lungs felt pulverized. Ivy winced as I spat blood on the towel she held to my lips.

For once, Jenks had nothing to say.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

How much time? How much time had gone by? An hour? A day? I didn't know anymore. Rain still beat at the church like harpies from hell. The phone lines were still down. I still had no reception. Theo nly thing that had changed was Rachel's condition.

She leaned against me, breath rattling, coughing every now and again until I felt my heart would break. Dark circles nested underneath her eyes. There wasn't anything I could do. I was Ivy Tamwood, the last living vampire of my line, the former scion of a master, and my hands were tied. The person I loved the most was dying, and I could do nothing.

_This can't be how it ends. This just can't be how it ends._

Jenks paced back and forth on the arm of the couch, making dismal sounds with his wings. I had no outlet. I couldn't even cry, lest Rachel see my tears. She needed someone strong with her, someone she could lean on.

Her eyes fluttered open and stayed there. It was the first time she'd floated back to consciousness for a while.

"Are you cold?" I asked. The least I could do was make her comfortable.

"No." her voice was low and blood-soaked. "I'm 'kay. Ivy…don't…don't be lonely."

"What?"

"You shouldn't be alone." she coughed. "An' if I can't be there, you shouldn't…shouldn't…"

"Don't talk like that." I warned her as I stared at the edge of my sanity.

"I'm sorry that I waited so long." Rachel apologized. "Wish I…wish I could take it all back. I've hurt you," she gasped as pain wracked her body with tremors, "so much. How do you forgive me?"

I stroked my hand through her hair. "Because I love you."

For the first time, I did not hesitate over the words. Time had become too precious. In a few short hours, maybe less, I would be alone, and broken, again.

"Love you too." her lips wore the ghost of a smile. "Can you…get me some water? Please?"

Another knife went through my gut when I thought of my helplessness. "Of course."

I steadied her shoulders with my hands and slipped out from behind her. She whimpered in pain and I cursed myself. Even with vampire grace, I still hurt her. Jenks drifted after me into the kitchen. I steadied myself on the counter and hung my head.

"I don't know what to do, Jenks." I admitted, hating myself as I did. "Rachel's dying and I don't know what to do!"

Jenks put his hands on his hips and let out a shrill whistle. "That makes two of us. Roads closed, phone's down, and a dying witch."

"Shut up, Jenks, or I will smack your glib pixy ass back to the Turn."

The little man sobered. "She _is _dying, Ivy."

"I know." the admission came out in a humiliating groan. "I can't watch her die, Jenks. I can't do this. And she's given me everything I ever wanted. Now I have to watch her die. It's not fucking fair, Jenks. It's not _right_."

Jenks flitted around the room again. He had never seen me like this. I had never let myself be this way in front of anyone. Except perhaps Kisten. But he was different. We were the same, with our strength and weaknesses.

"Ivy," Jenks landed on my hand, "we may have one option."

"Tell me." I whispered, too numb to feel hope.

"A demon curse." Jenks' wings buzzed. "It got rid of her scars and freckles. Why wouldn't it fix internal damage? Much as I don't want that ugly-ass fairy fuck of a demon back here, he may be Rachel's only shot."

"No." my hands shook as I filled a glass of water for Rachel. "It's too much of a longshot, Jenks. Al will only help for a price. She'd never agree. And I don't deal in demons."

Jenks' eyes were as hard and sharp as the blade of my sword. "If you love her as much as you say you do, you whiny vamp, you'll do this no matter what."

"How?" I was at wit's end. "Crap-for-brains is in the wind, Keasley and Ceri are out of reach. I'm not a witch, Jenks. Neither are you. Even if it's possible that Al could help her, we have no way of getting him here."

Jenks frowned. "Rachel could call him."

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. "Rachel's having a hard time trying to breathe. I don't think she could call a demon, even if she wanted to."

The pixy looked worried and his wings twitched. "It's our only shot, Ivy. Rachel's. Only. Chance."

"Goddammit, don't you think I know!" I shouted, more afraid of losing Rachel than of losing my control. "I don't know what to do, Jenks."

My partner turned sharper than pixy steel. "You go in there. You get Rachel onto unsanctified ground. You tell her to call Al or she dies. That's what you do, Ivy Tamwood. Rache has a way out of this. Are you gonna sacrifice her because you're scared of demons? Get over yourself and save her life!"

"Fine." I pushed myself away from the sink, grabbed the glass of water, and walked back into the living room.

Rachel smiled as I knelt beside her. "You look worried," she said, crossing a boundary she never would have, under normal circumstances.

"I am worried." I lifted the glass to her lips, feeling my heart hammering up into my throat. "Rachel…Rachel…you're dying."

"I know." she took a ragged breath. "I know what it feels like."

"Jenks…and I…" _I can't believe I'm saying this, _"think Al can help."

I watched the shadow wash over her face, the fear, the uncertainty, the anger. Rachel swore up and down that she wasn't a black witch; that she didn't deal in demons. Yet every time she managed to step away from the ever-after, it called her back.

"Ivy, I don't…"

"I know you don't want to do this…"

"…want to die." she smiled at me. "Take me to the kitchen, please. Gotta do this quick."

"Okay." I couldn't hide the grief in my voice. "Okay."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Ivy lifted me in her preternaturally strong arms. _She carries me through everything, _I thought, distressed and comforted by the thought. _And what do I give her in return? A dim promise that someday I might realize how stupid I actually am, and give her everything that she deserves._

Gently, Ivy eased me onto the kitchen floor, supporting me. She normally stayed very much out of the way when I played with ley lines. This time was different. This time she stayed.

"Please don't let go." I begged her.

"We're right here, Rache." Jenks landed on my shoulder. "Ivy and me. We aren't leaving."

_I have good friends, _I thought, not for the first time.

My chest tightened again as I reached for the ley line. _This is going to hurt_. I clenched my teeth as the power I wielded grew claws and shredded through me. Ivy's grip on me intensified and I forced myself to breathe.

"Rhom…bus." I gasped, watching the circle spring up before me. My chest ached as I started coughing. Ivy rubbed my back, begging me under her breath to keep breathing. My mouth filled with blood.

_Algaliarept! _I yelled into the ever-after. _Algaliapret, I summon you! Get your demon ass up here!_

The line washed out of me and reinforced the circle. As painful as it had been to hold that line, it was doubly so to let it go.

"Rachel?" Ivy's voice was tense against my ear. "Rachel, did it work? Are you okay?"

The air crackled and sputtered, and my very own demon stood there in his traditional green velvet.

"Rachel Mariana Morgan." Al drawled. "What a pleasant surprise. And the reason you called would be?"

Black sparkles danced before my eyes, the circle holding my demon thinned, and I started coughing again. "Ivy," I gasped, wondering if she would ever forgive me for this, "I'm sorry."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Rachel's eyes rolled back into her head as she lost consciousness. Jenks and I were alone with a demon. I knew summoning a demon would be more than she could handle. Already the circle of protection she had built was fading, leaving a demon loose in Cincinnati.

"Stay with me, Rachel." I whispered, easing her down to the floor. Blood slipped from between her lips and trailed down her chin. I rose and looked at the demon face to face.

Al touched the circle and it faded out of existence. "Well, well. It seems as though my itchy-witch has gotten herself in a spot of trouble. Wouldn't you agree?"

_I don't have time for his games._ "Rachel needs your help."

"My help? Unless I am mistaken, your pet witch suffers no magical malady. There was no need to bring me here."

"Rachel's dying." I snapped, trying to keep him here for as long as I could. "Surely you don't intend to walk away."

"Actually," he snickered, "I do. There's nothing n it for me."

"Then you've been toying with her and tempting her for no reason?"

"Ah, no." he smiled. "That's what you have been about, Ivy Alisha Tamwood. Demons, as a general rule, lack a vampire's patience and subtlety for the hunt." he shifted and morphed, British features melting to Egyptian, hair receding until none was there. "What do you want from me, Ivy girl?" he asked, his voice a perfect imitation of Piscary. "I gave her to you once," the twice-dead master vampire's hand gestured to Rachel, "and you did nothing. I knew she was everything you wanted and you shoved her back into my face, you ungrateful whelp. You don't deserve her."

I backed away, trembling. "That…that isn't true."

He took a step closer; reached towards me. Ecstasy radiated from his touch, plummeting through my scars, into my body. I grabbed the kitchen island as my knees buckled.

"Come back to me, Ivy girl." he crooned, playing on my scars and old emotions. "You loved me once. You can again. I can give you all you dreamed."

_All I dream,_ I glanced at Rachel, _is a life with her. _I looked at Piscary, the demon in my kitchen. I had denied him before, with less to gain than I had now.

"Then give me Rachel's life." I demanded, finally breaking free from the illusion of Piscary. "She is all that I want, all I dream. Your life, your power, never meant anything to me, Piscary. So take off that goddamn mask and let's deal."

Laughter echoed through the kitchen as Al shifted back into himself. "Rachel Mariana Morgan's vampire is at last coming into her fangs. So tell me, Ivy Alisha Tamwood, what will you give me if I can save our little itchy-witch?"

_I can't do this, _my mind froze. _I'm not Rachel…I don't deal with demons. I'm out of my element._

"Time is ticking, Ivy girl." he taunted. "Sun's coming up. Once it does your…oh, what is that capital vernacular?" he smapped his fingers. "That's it. You're screwed. No Rachel, no camarilla, and no chance to save your beautiful, unsullied soul."

_My soul…tainted…never to have that one shred of purity again. It's all I have left. I can't, can't give that away. But I don't have anything else. How does Rachel do this?_

My eyes focused on Rachel. She was dying. Again.

"She would do the same and more for you, you chicken-shit vamp." Jenks hissed in my ear before he flew away to keep his kids safe.

"I'll…" my voice quavered, "I'll owe you a favor. And I'll take the smut from the curse. Just fix her!"

"A mark?" Al contemplated the offer. "And the chance to sully the soul of the last living Tamwood. I think I'll make today my new birthday."

He reached into his crushed velvet jacket and pulled out a small vial. He uncorked it, bit into his finger, and rubbed three drops of blood into the vial. The smell of burnt amber choked the room.

I started coughing and the demon smiled. "It's a shame she isn't awake for this. How I would love to see her tears as she realizes that she's harmed the one person she never wanted to hurt. You're kind at heart, Ivy girl, but cold to the bone."

"This isn't her fault!" I shouted, watching him ease Rachel's blood-flecked lips open.

"Of course it's not." he sing-songed as he poured the vile-smelling potion into her mouth and forced her to swallow. "It's yours, dear heart."

"Stop playing with my emotions, you fucked-up psychopath."

He smiled again as he rose. "As said the scorpion to the swan, it's my nature, darling."

"They both drowned." I hissed.

"As will the both of you. She'll come around in a moment. And you will give her the words to invoke the curse. Normally this would call for Latin…but…I'm having too much fun."

He leaned in and whispered the words in my ear. I felt the blood drain from my face.

"You sick bastard."

He chuckled. "It's what she must say if you want her to live. I'll be calling on you soon, Ivy Alisha Tamwood."

"Go to hell."

"I'll see you there." and with a flash of burnt amber, he was gone.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

"It's time to wake up now." tattered grey silk. "C'mon, open those beautiful eyes."

I tried, but they were so heavy.

"That's good." urgency now, panic and haste. "One more time, Rachel. Come back to me."

The black was comfortable, peacefully desolate. my demon heritage didn't matter. I was nothing there. No drama, no pain…_but no love._

"I…Ivy." my mouth tasted like death.

"I'm right here." she whispered. I dimly registered her gentle fingers brushing through my tangled hair.

My eyes opened at last. Ivy's were soot black, but I had gone past the point of any fear. "Al?" I croaked.

"He's gone." she strained to keep the fear out of her voice; failed.

My eyes lipped shut. "'Kay. Can I sleep now?"

"No." her insistence pulled my eyes open again.

"I don't feel good." I whined like a petulant child.

"I know, dear heart. I know. But I need you to tap a line."

I reached into myself, felt nothing but pain. "Can't."

"Yes, you can." she almost screamed, desperate. "Please, Rachel, don't leave me alone."

_That's unfair. _I thought. _But how much have I asked of her? Too much. I have to try._

"'Kay." I reached for the ley line that ran beneath my church. Holding onto it racked me again with pain. "Hurts." I gasped as my ribs screamed.

Ivy cupped my cheek with trembling fingers. "Rachel," her voice was harsh, and cold tears splashed on my face, "tell me you don't love me."

"No." I choked out the word. Why was she saying this? It was beyond cruel, more than unfair. I loved her beyond life and into death. I wouldn't betray my own soul without knowing why.

"Dammit, witch!" she shrieked as my eyelids fluttered and I coughed. "Tell me you don't love me!"

"But…I do."

"Just say you don't," she begged, almost sobbing. "Please, Rachel."

_I'm going to die, _the line burned through my blood. _This is the only way Ivy will be able to move on. If I don't love her, she'll survive my death. I can give her that much. I can lie for her._

"Ivy," I whispered, praying this would set her free, "I don't love you."

The line welled up in my body and twisted. Magic washed through me, altering, changing. _A demon curse,_ I realized, watching Ivy in torment. Al had twisted the invocation to make me lie, to tear Ivy and me apart. _That fucking bastard._

I could feel my skin re-knit itself; sense blood re-enter my veins, hear bones crackle as they knit themselves back together. "Ivy." I took a deep breath, feeling no pain. The line surged through me and I felt like a goddess. "Ivy?"

Her eyes were bright, pained. "Say it again." she whispered.

"Ivy," I choked on the cruelty of the lie, "I don't love you."

The curse rushed out of me and I relinquished the line, waiting for the demon smut to swarm my aura. It didn't. My body felt deliciously whole. I looked down. My favorite jeans were gone, but so was the gash in my leg. I put my weight on my left arm and it held.

_I'm not going to die._ I smiled, reveling in my pain-free existence.

Until Ivy screamed.

The vampire dropped to her knees, face contorted in an expression of agony she had never worn before. Another gut-wrenching scream wrenched out of Ivy's throat. She put a hand to her neck and blood spilled through her fingers. The scent of it filled the room.

"Ivy!" I shrieked as her scream was replaced by a guttural groan.

I scrabbled across the floor to her. She curled into the fetal position, her entire body shaking. Tears pilled from her eyes and blood covered her neck.

"Ivy, what's wrong?"

"Ra…chel?" she asked.

I held her close, feeling the tremors racking her body. "I'm right here, Ivy. I'm okay. What's wrong?"

She didn't answer. Her teeth were ground together and her eyes were black with pain.

_Al was here…Ivy said something about a demon curse…oh God. No. NO! Stupid, __**STUPID**__ witch!_

I grabbed the line again and shifted into my second sight. Black demon smut invaded Ivy's pure aura. _Ivy, no! Not your soul! Not for me! What did you do?_

"Ivy, stop fighting!" I screamed, frantic. I'd lived this before, too many times. I held her tighter, inhaling the scent of vampire incense and something I had rarely sensed from her. Fear.

_Crazy vampire. My life isn't worth your soul. I would have taken this. This part of my fucked up life was never meant to touch you, much less mar you forever. _

I rocked her back and forth. "Accept it, Ivy. It'll make the pain stop."

"I…" Ivy's voice cracked. "I accept this." Pain washed through her eyes anew. "I accept this! God, Rachel, make it stop!"

My heart broke. My own pain was bearable, but I had never intended for Ivy to know the extent of my suffering.

_Crap on toast._

I'd never meant to sully her soul.

Her breath hitched in and out in tremulous sobs. As gentle as I could, I removed her hand from her neck. There was no wound anymore. Just a scar…a circle with a line slashed through it. _Oh, Ivy, no. No, please, let this all be some horrible nightmare._

"What in the name of Tink's botched boob job is this?" Jenks sputtered from the doorway. "The pixy leaves for one minute, one fucking minute, and all hell breaks loose!"

"She's okay, Jenks." Ivy sounded drunk. "She's…she's alive."

Ivy looked at me and smiled. The pure, unguarded emotion in it hammered through my chest. "Be here when I wake up?" she whispered.

Her eyelids fluttered shut and she went limp in my arms. Not caring that Jenks was there, I leaned down and kissed Ivy's sweat-soaked forehead. "I love you, you crazy vamp."

"Now all we have to do is wait for the morning-after talk." Jenks quipped. "Go easy on her, Rachel. You had us all pretty damn freaked out."

"Thanks, Jenks." I ignored him as I lifted Ivy as best I could and carried her to the bed.

_What happens next, Rachel? _I asked myself. _What happens next?_


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

This wasn't the kitchen. It was warm, soft, comfortable. And, thank God, the room smelled like coffee.

"Ivy, Ivy, honey, are you awake?"

I smiled and turned toward the sound of the voice. I recognized the walls of my own room, the feel of my own sheets.

"I'm 'wake." I said. My head felt like seven hells.

"Want some coffee?" I watched Rachel's hand nudge a mug across the nightstand.

I sat up, immediately regretting my decision. I had never felt this much pain in my life. I reached for the coffee and inhaled the scent.

"Ivy?" Rachel's voice was hesitant, scared.

_I don't remember much. Please tell me I didn't hurt her. _"Rachel, are you all right?"

"I'm fine." she reached up and tucked my hair behind my ear. It was an intimate gesture; a move she had never before made. 'No broken bones. No coughing blood. I'm fine, Ivy. The demon curse idea worked."

_Ivy, I don't love you, _the words reverberated in my ears. I knew she hadn't meant them, but it had been her voice, searing into my brain. In much the same way as turning into me to bite Rachel, Al had used Rachel to play on my fears. It worked.

I sipped the coffee and it burnt my tongue. "Damn it."

"Are you okay?"

We were dancing around the elephant in the room. The awkward silence stretched out for what seemed like forever. "Everything hurts." I admitted against my will.

"You've slept all day." she whispered. "I guess the imbalance hit you pretty hard."

_Of course it did. I'm no witch. _"I apologize if I frightened you."

"Frightened me?" her composure cracked. "Frightened me? Are you fucking stupid, Ivy! How in hell you can justify what you did to yourself is beyond me."

_Because I love you. Do I need to justify that? _"Rachel, I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't even begin to cover this." she buried her face in her hands. "Your soul, Ivy? Your beautiful, pure soul! Dear God, I am so screwed up! I can't even keep myself safe, but I never, _never, _wanted this to touch you."

"Rachel, this isn't your fault." I set the coffee aside, swung my legs over the edge of the bed, and placed my hands on Rachel's shoulders. "Please, believe me."

"I can't do this anymore, Ivy. I know what I said, but I can't keep hurting you this way. I love you too much for that. You deserve better than a witch who's favorite hobby is bleeding out on your couch."

She shrugged my hands off of her and rose. "Rachel, don't go." I begged, listening to my hopes and dreams shatter in the background.

"I'm leaving the church, Ivy." she broke her promise. "I've crossed too many lines. I can't keep putting your life in danger, much less your soul. I wish…"

I stood up to follow her, but the glare she gave froze me. "Rachel, just think about this, please."

"I have." she blinked back tears. "I've got to talk to Al; get that demon mark off you."

"Then stay." I entreated. "Rachel, we're crap when we aren't together. You know that."

"I'm sorry, Ivy. I can't risk this," she gestured to her mark, then to mine, "happening again. I wish there was another way."

She turned and left. The church doors shutting sounded like a death knell.

_This can't be happening._


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

_I am perhaps the most colossally stupid witch this side of the Turn._

"Rachel, honey, I'm going to the charm shop. Do you need anything?" My mother's face appeared by the door.

"No." trying to smile wasn't in me. "I'm good."

My mom frowned. "You're about the furthest thing from good. You haven't told me a damn thing about why you left your church, but three weeks is a long time to mope."

_Coming here was a bad idea._ That thought had repeated in my brain since I had knocked on her door. _But I had nowhere else to go._

"Just let me mope, mom."

Alice shook her head. "How I raised such a stubborn bitch is beyond me."

"Mom!" I jumped out of the chair, affronted.

"Don't 'mom' me. You're worried about your roommate. That's plain as the nose on your face. And something's got you scared and hurt, but you won't even talk to the one person who could help you."

"Mom…" I ran my hand through my hair, "…mom, I love Ivy. I do. But she keeps getting hurt. And it's _my_ fault!"

"And if Miss Tamwood were afraid of or adverse to pain, she'd have left you long before now. The world isn't black and white, Rachel. It'd be easier if it was."

"Can't we just leave it alone?" I begged, not wanting to listen to my mother's wisdom.

"No, we can't. I'm not about to sit here and watch my daughter suffer because she's afraid. Afraid of committing to someone she actually loves. You can't walk away from this, Rachel. At least call her. She's probably left you hundreds of messages."

_Ivy wouldn't call…but Jenks would. _"I left my phone at the church, mom. I didn't want them to find me."

"Because you actually believe that Ivy freaking Tamwood doesn't know _exactly_ where you are? Wake up and smell the waffles, Rachel. You can't hide forever."

_Ivy knows. She always does. That was what saved my life. Ivy's belief. Ivy's devotion. Ivy's love._

"Goddammit, mom!"

"Truth is ugly." mom smiled. "Best get used to it."

Mom left the house, leaving me along with her hideous truth. _I don't think I could face Ivy. But Jenks…I could talk to him._


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

I wouldn't take the phone off the table. I couldn't. I forced myself to look at it every day, to remind me of what I'd lost. Her room stayed closed, that was a sanctum I wouldn't touch, but her phone…that was as good as anything to torture myself with.

_As clear a message as anything,_ I thought, draining the umpteenth glass of orange juice, _that she wants nothing to do with me anymore. Nothing to do with this life…a life we struggled so hard to build. Vampires die from hope to live hopeless. _

I stared out the window and watched my life flash before me. I would find a new camarilla. That wouldn't be over-difficult. With it would come the responsibilities and the games that master vampires played. With it would be purpose, and the promise that I wouldn't die alone. By that time, I would have found someone to serve as a scion…someone who would love me beyond my death.

_But not enough to save my soul. Not enough to come home to me every night with no thought of blood, or sex, or anything but my companionship and a cup of coffee. No one will ever love me the way she did. And no one will ever love me the way she couldn't._

I was not one to speak aloud, lest my emotions be overheard by anyone, but this moment was different. Rachel's phone screamed at me with the knowledge that she no longer wished to hear my voice, that she no longer wanted any part of this church, this business…of me.

"I miss you." I whispered, feeling ever more the fool. "Damn me back to the Turn, I miss you."


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

I felt like one of those creepy stalkers from a horrible Lifetime original movie. Here I was, scrunched down in the seat of my car, waiting for my roommate to leave the house we had both called home. Why? Because I was scared. Scared shitless like the dumbass witch that I was.

_I mean, this is my own home. My sanctuary, no internal mental pun intended. And yet here I am, too frightened to face Ivy after what I did to her. After what she was made to do. _

I watched Ivy leave the house, peeling out on her bike like a bat out of hell. After waiting a few minutes, I entered the church, feeling like a damn cat burglar. Before I knew it, the assaulting sound of pixy wings met my ears.

"Rache!" Jenks yelled, zipping into the room and hovering in front of my face. "What in the name of Tink's 'fuck me' stilettos are you doing back here?"

He was pissed. And he had every right to be. "I…I came back for my phone." I stumbled, too ashamed to admit that I had come to talk to him because I couldn't face Ivy.

"The phone that you aren't going to answer?" he snapped. "The phone that Ivy has sitting on the kitchen table like some shrine to your abandonment? Nice try, Rache, but the pixy ain't dumb."

I sighed, feeling the tip of the backbreaking straw. "Jenks, I can't see her!" everything spilled out in a rush. "I love Ivy, but…but…she took _**demon smut**_, Jenks! _**Demon smut!**_ Her soul is irreversibly stained and it's because of _me!_"

"So what, you're turning me into the awkward middle man who runs messages between the two 'adults' who can't find it within themselves to talk to each other? Thanks, but no thanks. I'm not a fucking errand boy. Especially not for the emotional crap that you and Ivy fling around like kids with water balloons."

"That's not what I meant. I just…I can't…" my shoulders slumped and I bit my teeth. "I'm at a loss, Jenks. I fucked up. I fucked up bad."

The pixy had to sense that I was on the verge of tears. Because it was Jenks, because he'd been to hell and back with me and still hadn't ditched my ass, he calmed down.

"You really did." he told me, blunt-force-trauma honesty. "Ivy's a wreck, Rachel. Ever since you left, she's been sliding deeper and deeper back into the fucking vampire pit."

Fear clawed around my heart with an icy grasp. "She…she…hasn't found a new camarilla has she?" I couldn't fathom the thought of Ivy under the control of another master vampire who would see how beautiful she was, how tantalizingly warped under Piscary's tutelage.

"Oh hell no." Jenks waved away that concern. "She can't find one that would take her."

Shock numbed the fear. "What the hell? Jenks, in case they haven't noticed, she's Ivy fucking _Tamwood_! What do you mean, a camarilla won't take her?"

The pixy sighed and landed on my shoulder. "Look, Rache, I shouldn't tell you. She should. But she isn't here, and you're too chicken-shit to talk to her, so hopefully, this will make you come to your senses. You remember the whole van incident?"

An involuntary shiver rippled through my spine. I remembered. Every detail. "Yeah." my voice was hoarse.

"The whole aura merging thing that happened?" Jenks continued.

I nodded, awash in the memory of it all. The sublime ecstasy as she had taken what little I had been willing to give. And I wanted to give her more…to give her everything. But I hurt her. I ruined her life with my fear and my recklessness. That was why I had left. Why I couldn't come back.

"I recall."

"Yeah…well…" Jenks looked for words. _This is bad_. "The vamps won't share blood with her anymore. You know how taboo demon smut even looks. Imagine merging a pure aura with a smutty one."

_Oh my god, Ivy. Ivy, Ivy, Ivy…did you know this would happen? You couldn't have. If you did, then surely you would not have done what you did that night. You wouldn't have made a deal with a demon…for me. You would have let me die. _"No." I breathed.

"Can't get blood from the human sector either. Same reason. Humans aren't as sensitive to it, but it's a definite mood-kill. Ivy hasn't had blood since you left."

I strode blindly into my kitchen and sat down. My eyes scanned the room; everything unchanged. Ivy had kept this place immaculately the same. I buried my head in my hands, filled with shame. I had been so caught up in my own drama, so mired in my own guilt, that I hadn't even seen the impact of this on Ivy's life.

_And she wants to share her life with me? Crap on toast, we are the two dumbest women this side of the Turn._

"Jenks, what should I do?" I asked, unutterably lost.

"Just talk to her." Jenks advised. "Take your damn phone and run away again if you have to, but you need to _talk_ to her, Rache. It's plain to see the two of you love each other. You've just gotta wake up, screw the pooch, and admit it. Stop with the scaredy-cat routine."

_He's right. Pixy life-spans are too short. They know about love, living every day to the fullest, fighting for what they believe in. They don't have the time to dick around. God, I'm a wreck._

"Okay."

"Thank God!" he exclaimed. "I thought I was going to have to spend months divorcing you from your stupidity."

"Geez, give me some credit, will you?"

"Not an ounce, Rachel." Jenks turned serious again. "Not an ounce."

I cringed, knowing that he was still furious with me for abandoning Ivy, the church, him…our partnership. But I grabbed my phone and stuffed it in my pocket. "Thanks, Jenks."

"Promise me, Rachel." Jenks took his Peter Pan pose and hovered in front of me. "Promise me that you will talk to her if she calls."

"Don't make her promise that." Ivy's shredded grey silk voice came from the doorway.

_Oh, fuck my life._


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

_Dream? _I asked myself. _Or nightmare?_ Rachel's face had turned white when she heard my voice. She was afraid of me. Again. I thought we had gotten past all that, years ago. I hadn't realized that one moment would drive us right back to the rocky beginning.

"Ivy," Jenks flew in front of me, his hands upraised, "just hear me out."

"Not the time, pixy-man." my eyes were for Rachel alone. "She's made it clear she doesn't want to talk. So she shouldn't if she doesn't want to." I moved away from the door. "You're free to go, Rachel."

_Free to go? _I mentally slapped myself. _Like I'm some sort of jailer and she's been in prison. Why can't you just talk to her, Ivy Tamwood? Why can't you just tell her how afraid you are?_

Rachel walked towards the door. "I never meant for this to happen." she muttered, stalking past me. The undertone of guilt in her voice made me grab her arm as she left.

"You _didn't _make this happen." I growled, inhaling the scent of her fear, kicking myself as my eyes dilated, taking in every inch of her. "It just did."

"Take your hands off me." she warned, but I didn't. Couldn't.

"I thought you wanted everything." I wrapped myself around her; whispered in her ear. "Or is that just when you're dying and you don't have to regret your actions?"

"Ivy, let go of me." Rachel held her voice steady. We had danced this dance before.

_This isn't you. This is not who you are. This is who you were made to be. Take your hands off of her and back away. Ten feet at least. Rachel isn't safe with you._

Sweat broke out on my forehead as her pulse rang in my ears. My teeth were against her neck now; her aura swarmed me and I inhaled her fear, sweet and excruciating. "I can't." I choked out. _Bite. Drink._

She visibly tried to calm herself, to conquer the fear that tinged the air. Jenks was shouting, but neither of us heard him. "Please, Ivy." Rachel whispered. "Please. I love you. Don't do this."

_I love you. That should be enough. Why…why can't I step back? _"I'm trying." my entire body trembled, fighting centuries of ingrained behavior and my own individual psychosis. "Forgive me, Rachel."

_She smells like Heaven, like peace and oblivion and everything that I want. I can already taste her blood in my mouth. Spicy, white pepper and cinnamon and life. Oh God, Rachel, I could give you the world. But not like this. Not like this._

"Don't make me put a line through you." Rachel threatened. "I don't want to hurt you, Ivy. Not anymore. Ever again."

"But you've hurt me so much." I traced my fingers down her neck and she shivered. "Don't you want that? Power over me, erasing your fear. That's all love is, Rachel. Controlling your own fear by inspiring it in others."

"That's not love, Ivy, and you know it."

"Do I?" I nibbled at her scars and she gasped. "You're afraid of me, Rachel. You're afraid of me and I love you."

"Ivy, this isn't you." Rachel pleaded as my lips pressed against her perfect neck. The scars lay beneath, covered by a demon curse. "I'm so sorry all of this happened. I'm sorry that the vampires have turned their back on you. I'm sorry that I damaged your soul. I'm sorry that I ran away from you because I was afraid. I don't want to hurt you. That's why I left."

I pressed my teeth against her vein and her knees buckled. I held her up. "And you come back to drink up my misery and drive your knives further into my back. Masters teach us to love pain, to writhe on the edge of every threatened rejection. Then, at the last moment, some scrap of validation is thrown to us to ease our self-loathing just enough to continue on. But you, you never stop. You hang me on the edge of a hook and flog me with every great hope I have known and leave me there. And still I hunger and thirst for you."

"Because you love me." she whispered. "Because that hook I hang you on is the threat of your own desires realized. We can resolve this, Ivy, but I swear, if you sink your teeth into me I will turn back and you won't see me again."

"Listen to the witch!" I heard Jenks, faint. "Ivy, this is not what you want!"

_He's right. She's right. But I can't…let…go…_ "Put a line through me." I hissed, cringing from the pain of abandoning my instincts. "If you don't, Rachel, I will bite you."

"Don't you want that?" she asked, not unkind.

"Not like this." I groaned. "Please. I can't stop myself."

"God damn it, Ivy." Rachel muttered, and I heard tears in her voice.

"C'mon, Rache!" Jenks yelled.

My fangs broke skin as white pain lanced through my eyes and my back slammed into the wall. I crumpled to the floor and lay there, stunned. My chest burned as I struggled for air. My hair was in my eyes, but I couldn't move. I felt like I'd been hit by a Mack truck. _Thank you, Rachel. _I smiled.

Then she was kneeling beside me, smoothing my hair back, stroking my cheek, crying. "Ivy, Ivy are you all right?"

"Yes." the pain would subside. If I had bitten Rachel, I would have lost her forever. Now, at least, we had a chance.

"Thank God." she breathed.

The silence turned awkward, so much so that even Jenks was loathe to break it. I sat up and leaned against the wall. I couldn't move my legs just yet, but I couldn't stop smiling either. _I'm losing my mind._

"Ivy," Rachel spoke, "I'm going to stay until I'm sure you're all right. Then, I'm going to leave. But I will come back, I promise, I…" she stopped, gasped—sneezed. "Fuck." sneeze. "My." sneeze. "Life." sneeze.

"Oh crap." Jenks lit on my shoulder. "This only means one thing."

_Al_, I buried my head in my hands, _this is just terrible timing._


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

The sneezing fit ended as the smell of burnt amber filled the room. _Crap on toast,_ I thought, wondering when Al would finally show. _If it's Al, _worry thundered through me. _It's not like Newt hasn't been here before. Or Minias._

I turned my attention back to Ivy. My roommate's face was paler than normal; her breathing slow. I could see the torment in her eyes and the guilt that overtook her. I had been forced to hurt her…again.

"Are you okay?" I asked, feeling guilt of my own.

Ivy inhaled, slow, taking stock of herself. "I still can't move my legs." she saw the anxiety in my eyes and backpedaled. "I can feel them, Rachel." she smiled. "Just can't move them quite yet."

_How can she be smiling? _the room began shaking. _She just had me swat her with a ley line and she's smiling. My life is so screwed up. _

"Raaaaachel." Al sing-songed. "Rachel Mariana Morgan." his unnatural eyes caught light as he stared at me. "I've missed you, Rachel. Ever since you required my ministrations, you haven't been playing in your ley line. I was beginning to worry."

I moved so that Ivy was behind me. "Yeah?" I asked. "Stuff a sock in it, Al. Are you afraid that I found a new demon to play with?"

"Not in the least." Al grinned, reminding me of Alice's Cheshire cat. "I was afraid that you'd left Ivy Alisha Tamwood alone forever. That would truly be terrible."

Jenks landed on my shoulder, lending me his incredible strength. "What's between Ivy and me is none of your business." I snapped. "In fact, Ivy is none of your business, so just leave us alone."

"Wrong again, Rachel." Al taunted, moving until he stood the vampiric eight feet away. "You are my business, as is your vampire companion. I believe there is the matter of a mark between us, Miss Tamwood."

_Damn it back to the Turn._ I seethed. I was afraid that this was why he had come. There was nothing I could do for Ivy. I knew from personal experience how difficult it was to get a demon mark removed. I wouldn't deny her the chance to step closer to salvation.

"Stop posturing, Al." Ivy's voice floated up to my ears. "We aren't stupid. Rachel didn't summon you, so you're obviously here about one of the marks."

"You were as obnoxiously pushy and disrespectful during my last visit. "Al complained. "For a Tamwood, you are remarkably…uncivilized. However, I did not come to mince about social graces. I am, as you hypothesized, here about our accord."

"Speak." Ivy gave a curt nod.

I watched Al, shivering a little as his eyes walked up and down me. "Ivy Alisha Tamwood," Al began, very formal, "by the terms of our contract and accord, I, Demon Algaliarept, will absolve you from your obligation and remove your mark if you fulfill this one task." he smiled at me and winked, "Bite Rachel Mariana Morgan, and drink of her blood.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

"Are you fucking insane?" I asked, pushing myself further against the wall.

"Completely, my dear." the demon assured me. "It's an exceedingly simple request, Ivy girl."

My body was shaking so badly from the jolt of Rachel's ley line burst and now, my anger. My jaw clenched so tight I could not speak.

"Simple, my ass." Jenks spoke for me.

I looked from Jenks' murderous Peter Pan pose to Rachel's blanched face and wrathful eyes to Al's leer of triumph. What could he possibly gain from me biting Rachel?

_Unless…_the intoxicating smell of fear merged with that of burnt amber. _Al, you sick son of a bitch. He knows, _I realized, _he knows if I bite Rachel, I'll lose control and she'll leave me forever. And that, _the knowledge struck me with ferocity and pain, _is what he wants. Rachel has powerful enemies top side. But she's always had my protection to keep her safe. If she leaves me and this church…she'll be alone. No one will protect her,_ my eyes turned black as I grasped Al's gambit, more insidious and cruel than any master vampire's. _No one will protect her…but him. This is how he completely owns Rachel's soul._

"Forget it." rejection fell from my lips with ease. I loved Rachel. I would not free myself from Al's mark for my own benefit. Not if doing so would kill her. And it would.

Al cocked his head like an inquisitive cockatoo. "Perhaps you don't understand the nature of these things." he said. "You have no _choice_ in this matter, Ivy girl. I have set the terms. And you've already signed the contract."

"I don't care." I pushed myself up against the wall, standing on trembling legs. "I won't do it."

"Ivy," Rachel's voice was soaked with grief, "don't be stupid."

"Don't do it, Ivy." Jenks warned in turn. He knew where my thoughts had gone. He knew full well what would happen to Rachel if I bit her. I wouldn't be able to control myself. And, if she survived, her fear and my self-loathing would drive us apart…casting her into Al's waiting arms.

"Shut up, Jenks." Rachel snapped. She turned to me, green eyes blazing. "Just do it, Ivy." she begged. "Let me help you for once. This is something I can give. I'm not afraid." she lied.

Al smirked, sensing that all would go according to his plan. I would prove him wrong.

"I love you, Rachel Morgan." I told her, praying that she could see my sincerity and the reasons I did what I did. "But please understand, I'm doing this for you."

"Tick-tock, Ivy girl." Al hissed. "Time and patience are wearing thin. Just one little bite. Just one. That's all."

"Go back to hell, Al." I answered. "I already gave you my answer."

"Very well." he prepared to depart.

"Al wait!" Rachel cried. The demon stopped. My witch turned to me. "Ivy, please," she pleaded, eyes filled with tears. "The mark on your neck is more than just a symbol. It's a conduit. It stabilizes the imbalance in your soul. If you don't do what Al says you have to do to break the mark, he can make you feel the pain from the imbalance any time he wants! It's how they get what they want, Ivy! And they always do, one way or another."

Al nodded his agreement.

"Not this time." I shocked them both. "Find another deal, Al. I'm not biting Rachel." _you won't take her from me that easily. _

"The offer stays the same, Ivy Alisha Tamwood. Anytime. If you bite her, I'll take my mark off. Until then…" with a theatrical gesture and a puff of acrid smoke, he was gone.

"What the hell was that!" Rachel exploded after Al left. "What in God's name were you thinking?"

_Saving you. And myself. _

Jenks said nothing, merely nodded his approval of my actions before going to soothe his frightened children.

"What's done is done, Rachel." I moved away from the wall, at last able to support my own weight.

"Ivy, I would give you anything to get that damn mark off of you." Rachel protested. "I would have let you."

"Because what happened between us before Al got here made you comfortable? Because you didn't threaten to leave forever if I bit you?"

"This is different!"

"Not to me." I said, low. I didn't want this to be a fight. "Not to me, Rachel. I won't lay my fangs against your skin without your say so. Not because it's not what I want, not because it will get this demon mark off. You said you wanted everything, Rachel. These stipulations are part of that."

"But…" a single tear dripped off the end of her nose. "…why?"

"Because losing you would kill me." I answered, feeling an unnatural heat build behind my eyes.

"Ivy?" Rachel reached for me as my still weak legs collapsed; as I re-entered hell.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

I wiped sweat from Ivy's brow with a damp cloth, watching as fine tremors worked their way out of her body. It had been hours since she'd collapsed in my arms, swearing and biting her lip 'til it bled.

I'd managed to get her to her bedroom and the sanctified ground seemed to lessen the pain that Al inflected upon her at random. Jenks paced the nightstand, muttering string after string of epithets that would have made a sailor blush.

"Son of a bitch fairy fucking dipshit weasel faced goddamn demon."

"Jenks," I begged, "Please, stop. This isn't helping."

"I know." the pixy met my gaze and the heartbreak in his eyes softened my annoyance. "But there's nothing I can do Rache. He's hurting Ivy, and there's nothing I can do."

Jenks looked at our partner and friend, her sweat soaked hair, the tension in her sculptured neck. I sighed and cursed my helplessness. I knew exactly how he felt. Ivy was the strong one. To see her like this was…heart wrenching.

"How long can that bastard keep this up?" Jenks asked.

"As long as he wants." I pursed my lips. "This is as easy as flipping a light switch on and off for him."

"Well it's wrong." Jenks declared, burning with righteous indignation. Suddenly, he turned anxious. "Rache, can a vampire die from pain?"

While it may have sounded like a stupid question, it wasn't. Ivy had lost consciousness from the pain three…or was it four…times now. I didn't know how much more of this assault her body could withstand. She was strong, but strength only went so far. I had nearly been broken by singular exposure to the pain of imbalance. Experiencing that agony again and again would be unspeakable.

"I don't know, Jenks." I whispered, watching a tear slip from beneath Ivy's closed lids. I reached for her hand, grasping it as though letting go would let her die. "I can't lose you." I said, unafraid to show my emotions in front of Jenks. More often than not, he knew me better than I did myself.

"R…Rachel?" Ivy stirred, turning to face me. I could see the faintest rim of brown around her eyes. Apparently, Al had decided to give her a break.

"I'm here." I assured her.

"Are you all right?"

I couldn't stop the tears. Ivy, who denied herself everything she wanted, who had subjected herself to agony, whose voice was hoarse from screaming…had asked about me. Had worried about me.

"I'm fine." _I'm breaking apart inside. I __**can't**__ lose you, Ivy. I just can't._

"Thank God." Ivy breathed. "Could you…get me some water?"

"Of course." I grasped the glass I had brought to her nightstand and held it to her lips.

She drank and leaned back against the pillow, a weak smile on her face. "Thank you."

"Ivy," my voice caught. I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Why are you doing this? It isn't worth it. You're in this mess because you saved my life. You could escape so easily, leave all the pain behind."

"Losing you…isn't worth it." In that moment, Ivy's soul was completely naked. "I'd rather…die twice and have you at my side than live in a world where you weren't with me."

"Ivy." _You horrible, sick witch. Would you ever go through this for __**anyone**__ with no hope of anything on the other side? _"I don't deserve you."

Jenks laughed. "It's not a matter of deserving, Rache." he explained. "It's a matter of accepting. You've got more pointless guilt than a masturbating nun."

"Jenks!" I gasped, but Ivy chuckled. If his irreverence made her feel better, I could cope.

"Ivy," I whispered, wanting to talk to her before Al turned the demented shock collar on again, "when I told you I wanted everything, it wasn't just because I was hurt. I meant it. I'm just not sure…"

"It's okay." Ivy interrupted. "We'll figure it out. Later."

"If you don't get rid of Al's mark, we won't have a later." I voiced my thoughts. "I'll do anything, Ivy. Hell, I'll sleep with you if it will keep you from losing it."

"No." her voice was weak, but never more powerful. "I won't…won't ruin our first time with this shit. I want—I want to love you, Rachel. No hindrances, no deals with demons. Just you and me."

"Then take my blood." I pleaded, falling deeper into her eyes, dreams, and promises. "Ivy, I was stupid. I won't leave, no matter how this turns out. I can't…I can't watch you suffer anymore."

"You're worth it." she smiled and I could breathe again. "But I would rather die knowing that I hadn't damaged you. So, no, Rachel. I won't take your blood."

"Ivy," I lay down beside her, mingling our scents on purpose. _You can't leave me, you stubborn vamp!_ "It rust you. I promise, when this is over, I will still be at your side. We've come so far. Take my blood, Ivy. I'll stay with you."

"What…" she stared into me, longing, "…what if…"

"You won't." I promised. "We've come too far for doubt know, both of us. I trust you, Ivy. I love you." she leaned closer, hesitant. "I love you." I said again.

Gently, I leaned in and placed my lips against hers. The excruciating tenderness of her kiss shattered any fears or reservations.

"I love you." I whispered against her mouth, turning aside and exposing my neck to her fangs.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

What Al had put me through could not compare to any pain I had ever felt before. But here, with Rachel lying beside me, her veins willingly bared to my teeth, a greater pain overwhelmed me.

_You aren't strong enough, _my mind and memories tormented me. _You'll kill her, Ivy. You'll break her and yourself. _

The buzz of wings hit my ears and faded. Jenks had left me along with Rachel, a silent sign of the trust he placed in me. A trust I could not place in myself.

I kissed Rachel's neck, tasting her skin, all anxiety and spent fear. She had been so worried, so compassionate, caring for me as no one had before. She would never know how beautiful she was. She might never fathom how much I loved her.

_You could save my soul, Rachel. But even if you can't, life with you is more than I could ever have dreamed. Thank you, dear heart._

Rachel shivered beneath me, tensing in expectation. "Don't be afraid." I found myself saying.

"I love you." she replied, moving closer to me.

_God help me, _a silent prayer.

I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her yet closer, imprisoning her against me. I knew she could sense my uncertainty, my fear. _Please, forgive me. _

I opened my mouth and laid my fangs against her skin. She shivered and moaned. I toyed with her scar, infusing her body with endorphins, twisting her nerves to transmute pain into pleasure.

"Ivy, God…" she gasped.

Satisfied, I slid my fangs into her skin, tasting the blood, rich and sinful and as alive as Rachel's indomitable spirit. _More, _my body craved, _take more._

I pulled, slow, gentle, eliciting a groan from Rachel and an unwanted spur from my instincts.

_Take more,_ my inner nature hissed.

I pulled again, harsher, harder, letting the taste of Rachel's blood soak into me, overriding my careful control, my walls.

_Stop._ I told myself, but I was too lost, too swept up in the euphoria, the childlike innocence of Rachel's gravely misplaced trust.

_Are you watching, Al? _I wondered as I grasped Rachel in a bruising grip, savaging her neck as she begged for me to take what she could scarcely afford to give. _Are you satisfied?_

"Almost, Ivy girl." the demon sneered inside my head, using Piscary's voice. "A little more, a little further, and she will belong to me. The demon always wins, Ivy Alisha Tamwood. Always."

"Ivy?" Rachel's voice was markedly weaker than before.

_Stop! _I shouted, but I couldn't obey. This was blood. blood without love, without sex to ground me, to hold me in my humanity.

I pulled from her again, barely noticing that her cries had turned to those of pain and not pleasure.

"Ivy, stop." she panted, but I was gone, a kite cut loose from its string.

"Ivy please," Rachel whispered, "I love you."

_Love,_ the word struck me. _Love. Isn't that enough? Sex and blood. Blood and sex…if one is divorced from the other, I lose it. But love…that is more than anyone has offered me. And she doesn't love me for my power, my protection, or my future death. She loves this, trusts this…this being, just me. Ivy Alisha Tamwood. That's…that's enough. It's always been enough. _

My lips loosened and I withdrew my fangs. Of my own accord. No human-sized pixy had thrown me off. No ley line had forced me against a wall. I had…let go. Under no one's compulsion but mine.

With great care, I licked Rachel's wounds, knowing my saliva would aid the healing process. She rolled over and looked at me, a calm smile in her languid green eyes. I had taken too much, but not dangerously so.

And yet, she was crying. "Dear Heart." I whispered, reaching up and wiping away the tears. That's when it happened.

Without sex, without blood, our aura's merged, melting into each other as though they had always been one. I tensed, waiting for the rejection others had shown me when they realized my soul was tainted. It didn't come. Rachel's warm, inviting aura covered mine, washing away the stain by accepting it for what it was. A declaration. A sign to the world that I belonged to her and her alone. No demon, elf, or vampire, no coven of witches or fairy clain or wolf pack would ever take her from me.

"I love you, Rachel." I whispered, finally understanding what it meant.

And that, of course, is when acid scoured through my veins.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

"Ivy?" I asked, alarmed. Her eyes had widened; filled with pain. "Ivy?"

Her breathing came fast and shallow; her hands balled into fists. _Oh God. Did taking my blood hurt her somehow? Was it the aura thing?_

"God…damn it…Rachel." Ivy gasped, and I knew it was nothing I had done.

"Ivy, breathe." I told her, watching her fangs cut into her lip. "Come on, baby, just hang in there." I reached out and took her hand. Ivy recoiled and screamed.

_Ivy doesn't scream. This is worse than before._

"Raaaaaaachel!" Al called from the kitchen. "Where are you, itchy-witch? Get your lily white ass in here!"

_Oh, this just gets better and better. Can't you hire people to unfuck your life? I wonder how much they charge._

"Don't go." Ivy begged when I rose from the bed. "It isn't safe."

"Stay here." I ordered, even though I was unsteady on my feet. "I'll take care of Al."

"No." her eyes widened in terror.

"Ivy, you do your vamp thing." I said, wanting to touch her, afraid to. "I do my demon thing. It's what I'm good at."

"Don't…" Ivy curled into a tight ball of pain and tears filled my eyes.

_I have to._

I left the room and entered my unsanctified kitchen. Al lounged on the counter looking like a jilted lover. I knew, beyond any doubt, that if I didn't play this right, it would be my ass on a silver platter in hell. but I had to stop him. He was torturing Ivy and he had no right.

"Why are you here?" I asked, making sure I didn't stand too close.

"How are you still standing?" he asked, equally displeased. "I felt Tamwood take your blood, itchy-witch. Don't those little excursions to Ivyville tend to leave you weak as a kitten?"

_You bastard._ "Since when is Ivy and my business _any_ of yours?"

His lip curled in a snarl. "Since your little misadventure led you to seek my assistance. You _owe_ me, Rachel."

"You made your deal with Ivy, you son of a bitch! Stop making her pay! She did what you asked!" I wasn't ashamed anymore. I let the tears fall. "Stop hurting her, Algaliarept!"

"What will you give me?" Al grinned as a muffled groan from the direction of Ivy's room assaulted me.

"You sick fuck." I'd had it.

I was tired of running, of being afraid. Sure, he was a demon. Well guess what? I was better. I could kindle their magic and walk in the sun. I didn't have to manipulate, or own people. I was _better_ than that. I was better than him.

"You take that mark off of her now." I said. "She paid your price."

"Not without something in return." he smiled, thinking he had me backed into a corner.

"All right." I agreed. "Here's what I'll give you. I'll call Newt. I'll bring her up here every damn day and remind her of what I am, and what all female witches could be. I'll fuck up your world and mine, Algaliarept. I will bring the wrath of every topside race into the ever-after until reality is screwed sixty ways from Sunday. Hell, I'll help Trent if I have to. And do you know why?"

"You ungrateful bitch!" Al pushed himself off of the counter. "You wouldn't dare."

"Wouldn't I?" I asked. "You're torturing the woman I love and you expect me to pay? You wanted her to hurt me, didn't you? Or for me to hurt her? What did you expect, Al? That I'd run away and come jumping into your arms?"

The flash of surprise in his goat-slitted eyes told me everything I needed to know. I wanted to throw up but I remained grounded, listening to the sobbing from Ivy's room.

"Take it off." I said. Al did nothing.

I stalked to the counter and grabbed a stick of magnetic chalk. I knelt on the floor and began drawing a circle.

"What are you about, itchy-witch?" Al asked after I finished.

"I told you what I would do." I stood and tapped a line. "I'm going to throw you under a bus, Al. There won't be enough of you to fill a thimble when Newt finishes with you."

"You wouldn't…"

I opened my second sight. The ever-after lay before me in stark shades of a world I never wanted to consider being a part of. But this insane, suicidal madness was for Ivy. Yes, Newt would obliterate Al, but she would kill me too. And both of us knew that.

_Ivy, I'm sorry I couldn't save your soul. You deserve so much better. Please, don't hate me, beautiful girl. I love you so much._

"_Bitch!_" Al screamed, and my head slammed into the counter as my feet went out from under me. Something warm ran down my face, but I didn't let go of the line.

"Newt!" I called.

"Don't do it!" Al bellowed.

"Then take your mark off Ivy!"

Al crossed his arms.

"Newt!" I yelled again, praying that he wouldn't call my bluff. Not that it was a bluff. I just…I really didn't want to see Newt. Again. Ever.

"Fine!" Al agreed.

I dropped the line and clawed my way back to my feet. "Take the mark off and get out." I growled. "That circle is still drawn. Do it now and leave."

He sneered and snapped his fingers, vanishing into the ever-after as he did so. I started running when ivy howled in pain.

She was white, bloodless white, and there was blood on her neck. This was Al's last punishment for me. Making me watch this. I moved closer, still afraid to touch her.

_Don't be dead don't be dead don't be dead don't be dead don't be dead. Please, dear God, don't be dead._

"Ivy?"

She didn't move.

"Ivy?" I knelt beside her and brushed her hair away from her neck. The mark was gone. "Ivy, honey, please wake up."

Her eyelids fluttered and she made a soft noise of pain. "Rachel?"

I bit my lip to control the emotions swirling inside. "I'm here, Ivy. I'm here and I'm not leaving."

She took a deep breath and smiled. I loved her smile. "It doesn't hurt anymore." she breathed. "Rachel, am I dead?"

"No, honey, no." I smiled, running my fingers through her hair. "You're fine. Al was getting back at me. But he won't be trying that again. I promise."

Her hand reached up and our fingers interlaced. "I'm so sorry, Rachel." she whispered. "I screwed everything up."

"No, no you didn't." I tried to save off the blanket of guilt I could see covering her. "It's okay, Ivy. Everything turned out okay. Nothing's wrong."

"That's what you think."


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

I finally found the courage to roll over and look into her eyes. They were shocked, pained…confused.

_Good going, Tamwood_.

"You're bleeding." I realized, reaching to touch the cut on her cheek. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." she answered, but her hand left mine. "Al slammed me into the counter is all. Nothing to worry about."

_But her skin is already showing the bruise. I was helpless the entire time that she faced a demon. I couldn't do anything. You deserve someone who can match your tremendous strength, Rachel. That someone isn't me._

"Ivy," Rachel interrupted my thoughts, "what's wrong."

"Nothing." I pushed myself off the bed. My body felt weak, even though I'd just had blood. I swung my legs over the edge of the mattress and the room started spinning.

"Don't try to get up." Rachel sat beside me and placed her arm around my shoulders. "That much pain…it's sometimes worse on your body than if you were injured."

"I'm fine." I grumbled, finding weakness distasteful.

"Ivy," her voice was gentle, "you aren't. And that's okay. I'm the only one here. You're allowed to be in pain."

"I'm allowed to be in pain?" I asked. "I'm allowed to sit and do nothing while a witch takes on a demon by herself? I should have been there, Rachel. I should have been there for you…I can't be with you. You're the strongest person I know…I can't bring you down."

"That's crap and you know it." her words turned harsh. "I'm worthless by myself, Ivy. I've known that for a while and been too stupid to believe it, but it's true. I wouldn't be able to do half the things I can without you by my side. You say I'm strong…that's because you're my strength."

"I don't deserve you." I finally said it, letting anguish scour through me. "Rachel, I'm not strong. I'd only hold you back. I…I can't ask you to give up what you could be for me. I'm not worth that."

I wasn't prepared for her to slap me. But she did. I put a hand to my stinging cheek and prepared for the barrage that didn't come.

"I love you, Ivy Tamwood. I just told you that you were the only strength in my life; the only person who accepts me for my weaknesses. I don't care how rich your blood is, how esteemed you are, you don't get to pull this dumbassery on me. Love isn't deserved or earned in the real world, Ivy. It's given. And mine is yours."

"And mine…is yours." I repeated her words, meaning them in my own way. I loved her, everything about her, inside of her, but the last thing I wanted to do was chain that fierce, free spirit to my broken soul.

Her arms wrapped around me so tight I could scarcely breathe. "I was so scared. I thought I'd lost everything, Ivy. I thought I'd lost you. And that thought nearly broke me. I've been so stupid. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Of course." there was no need to ask that. "It's over, Rachel. This entire damn mess is over."

"And you won't leave?" she asked, revealing that she shared in my fears.

"I'm not leaving." I smiled. _Not now that you're here. Not now that we're together. _"I love you, Rachel." _And I will do my damndest to protect you. And to be as strong as you are._

The room spun again and my back spasmed. Rachel felt it and frowned. "You should sleep." she said, and I lay down obediently.

"Stay with me?" I asked, uncomfortable with this new openness, yet anxious to explore it.

She smiled her roguish half-smile and snuggled against me. Our scents mingled and I felt the edges of her aura smear together with mine. So calm…peaceful. I had never known such internal and external peace at one time. I wrapped Rachel in my arms, feeling unadulterated joy when she sighed in content.

"I love you, dear heart." I whispered against her ear.

Rachel said nothing, just moved until every part of her rested against me.

For the first time, I knew what it was to weep from something stronger than sorrow.


End file.
